


And Anyway I've Got To Hide Away

by wildforwyld



Series: the ahn jaewon angst/whump channel [10]
Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: As usual lmaooo, California, Gen, Introspection, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28097142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildforwyld/pseuds/wildforwyld
Summary: No longer is he Wyld. No longer is he bound.
Series: the ahn jaewon angst/whump channel [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1884922
Comments: 18
Kudos: 40





	1. Should Be Waiting For The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaewon's leaving. No more looking back on what has been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Yesterday my life was in ruin,_   
>  _Now today I know what I'm doing._   
>  _Gotta feeling I should be doing all right,_   
>  _Doing all right._

Jaewon drags over his suitcase and pushes it into the closet of this cheap hotel room somewhere in northern California. How did he get here, Northern California?

He doesn’t even know exactly where he is. Not even what he’ll do now that he’s got here. He doesn’t speak english very well, even after the several youtube lessons he had taken before coming to this new country. So then how’ll he make it, now that he’s in an unfamiliar country with no one he knows.

Should he stay in the north? He had heard that lots of others from South Korea live in the south. Maybe that’d be a better decision. Either way, he’s an illegal immigrant, alone and barely an English speaker, so far away from ‘home’. It’s pretty safe to say he’s fucked.

_ ‘But still,’  _ He admits, patting his growling stomach, _ ‘It’s better than being in Korea.’ _

He had always been an obedient employee. Not for fear, usually, he wasn’t an easily frightened worker. It was the intimidating fact that part of 4 men’s careers, including his own, depends on whether he does what he’s told or not. And he followed, of course, wrote apologies, words that didn’t belong to him.

One day (perhaps he was getting desperate) CEO Park had a brilliant idea. Such a brilliant idea, that he had even audible cackled at one point during their meeting. It wasn’t exactly a new idea, no, he had thought of it much longer ago, but it was just now that he found a way to execute it and leave no suspicion to interpret. 

The idea to orchestrate scandals himself. To direct Jaewon in mission-like situations, to have him go out and make a fool of himself, draw attention to him, therefore drawing attention to MAYHEM. It would only be at the expense of Wyld’s reputation, which of course wasn’t all that important to anyone anyway. Not even to Jaewon. It wasn’t this that sparked his urge to leave.

He had cooperated entirely, with all the harassment, the framing, everything. In his view, it was just a matter of marketing a product. He was pretty much company property, after all. What kind of say in his fate did he have? He signed up for this. He had no mind.

At least, until they asked him to wholeheartedly go out and assault a girl. It wasn’t even the reputation this time. It was then, Jaewon realized, he’s doing this at the expense of other people now too. Innocent people, that have  _ nothing  _ to do with him or HCE.

That, he could not stand for. It was just then, he realized he couldn’t do this anymore. It was just then, that his job went against every little thing he believed in. So that life is over now.

All that hard work, the tears spent, sweat exhausted out of him, even the splash of blood against wood from the most brutal of days, all wasted. Gone down the drain with his identity he once recognized as Ahn Jaewon. Where is Ahn Jaewon? It’s still in him, of course. Ahn Jaewon is his life, his spirit, his entire being. It’s the shell of Wyld that he’s shaken off, soon to be replaced with a new identity, a Korean American immigrant with a mysterious past that no one knows of. God help him if anyone manages to recognize the face of Wyld.

Nobody knows, as of now, that Jaewon’s gone. MAYHEM simply believes he’s out for a day, perhaps frolicking with a couple of girls somewhere, getting himself drugged up and the like.

All those days spent worrying about the next scandal that might come out to just further tarnish his name, All those days of letting himself be degraded, chopped down and left to rot in self hate just for the sake of others he barely even knows. All for what?

It almost made him angry. Almost, being the keyword. At least none of MAYHEM suffered. But now that Jaewon’s gone, now what? What if they focused on Daehyun next, turned him into the black sheep?

_ ‘No, they wouldn't,’  _ Jaewon realizes, laying back on his bed, _ ‘It'd be too obvious that it’s a role they’re passing on to the next member.’ _

Jaewon wouldn’t go as far to stake their careers by exposing HCE, either. If he tried to get them into some big legal mess and won, there’s a chance that MAYHEM and all the trainees at HCE would be let go, or something. He hasn’t just suddenly lost his compassion, he knows how hard they’ve worked, and he doesn’t want to ruin it any more than he has. He can’t risk it. It just simply can’t be helped.

He’d like to say that he’s done with his life in Korea. But of course, even after all this he has to remember his mother. How could he ever just forget? He knows she’d worry, hearing that her son hadn’t returned to the dorms in over two days. Worry, being an understatement. She’d positively freak. And Jaewon could never have it in him to do that to her. He’d have to text her at some point, soon, before anybody realizes he’s gone missing. Just to let her know that he’s fine, he’s healthy. He just doesn’t want to be Wyld anymore.

He’s left that life now. Who knows what;s going to happen now? Where will he end up tomorrow? It’s no longer as clear cut as it used to, and honestly, Jaewon prefers it this way. It’s freeing, no responsibilities, no expectations. He’s allowed to do anything he could ever want. Maybe he’ll try to get his citizenship soon, do a little bit of research about the process, practice his english, something.

But no matter whatever happens in the future, no matter where he goes or who he meets, it sure as hell will be better than being Wyld again. Wyld is dead, and he’ll make sure of it no matter what it takes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Where will I be this time tomorrow?_   
>  _Jump in joy or sinking in sorrow?_   
>  _Anyway, I should be doing all right,_   
>  _Doing all right._


	2. Turn And Face The Strange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaewon settled, a new life built in what some call the 'Land of Opportunity'. Certainly, he had thought he escaped the life of Wyld.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Still don't know what I was waitin' for,_   
>  _And my time was runnin' wild._   
>  _A million dead end streets and_   
>  _Every time I thought I'd got it made,_   
>  _It seemed the taste was not so sweet..._

“See you guys Wednesday!” Jaewon smiles, watching the departing students as they pass by him, leaving the room and making their way out of school. Once everyone’s gone, he closes his door and walks back into his classroom. He’s been able to get out of work at the stroke of 3:20 today, so he’d be able to enjoy a longer afternoon for once. 

Stuffing his laptop and pens into his backpack, Jaewon walks out of the school. The sun is warm today, much more than it had ever been back home. It’s refreshing, and he loves it. 

He’s a teacher now, a Social Science teacher at a middle school, somewhere in southern California. As he walks, he starts to reminisce, recalling the early days of his new life.

He had first arrived in the US back in 2019, in northern California, as you know. For the next 6 years, he had worked tirelessly, improving his English, getting his degree, and just barely managing to know enough English (at the time, at least) to get his teaching credential. spent 6 years improving his English and getting his teaching credentials

And God, was it worth it.

He got to work with these amazing people, the staff, the students, everyone. There were even some Korean American students that would help him out from time to time, whenever he’d get stuck on a word or find himself not being able to work with electronics. It’s perfect here.

Back in those days, he had only basic English, enough to barely get him around safely. He was soon able to get his citizenship, after long nights spent studying and even whispering the words “judicial” and “legislative” in his sleep. Not to mention University, possibly one of the most draining things a person could possibly sign themselves up for.

He did manage to get a driver's license, and quickly learned how to navigate throughout the city. He’s even changed his name to Jayson Ahn to fit in with the locals and ensure that nobody recognized him.

Life was pretty good, overall. People were so kind to him, always so amazing. He had met many people in his first few years hanging around the interesting shops run by Koreans. Of course, you’d feel most comfortable with your own kind too. He had learned how to get along around these parts with them, all the nice old men and women he’d find at the store and at the train station.

His mom had also paid many visits to him over the years, telling her friends that they were all vacations, to hide the fact that she knew where her son was. Oh, how much the press would pay to be the first to know where missing “Wyld” went and stayed after all these years.

Jaewon makes his way onto the metro, making sure to keep his backpack clear of the doors as the familiar “The doors are closing” sounds out. The train’s empty, save for a quiet, brown haired little girl and an older woman sitting a little while away. He’s got somewhere to be today.

Where, specifically? A dance studio. A dance studio conveniently located right in front of the 3rd train stop after this one.

As the train glides noisily along the blue line, Jaewon recalls all the kinds of people he’s been able to meet over the years. He had first gotten a job at a Korean restaurant, of course, a place called Bancheuk Barbecue. Starting here had seemed like the best option, as he wanted to learn more about being an American with others like him.

He can recall the day faintly, as the most significant part of that day had been that fact that he was hired immediately. During his time there, he had also managed to make friends with a Korean American named Yoonhee, or as they called her, Jessica. She worked at the restaurant, as her grandparents opened the place in the early 80s. Jessica was the one that really helped him quickly learn how to speak like a local, honestly.

After his job at the restaurant became too time consuming, he began working as an assistant at a taekwondo school, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Then when the school closed down, his hardest times so far, he was forced to snag a job at a local Starbucks. The worst part was, he really loved learning at the classes with the children just barely being able to break a board. 

Then, his luck took a turn. He found a dance studio.

Harmony’s Dance Studio.

And it was perfect.

Walking into the studio now, Jaewon, or rather Jayson, beams brightly, looking all around at fluorescent lights shining in his eyes. He notices the instructor standing across the floor, and waves to her in cheerful greeting

“Hello Ms. Carmichael!”

He sets down his backpack and walks over to her, past the group of students talking amongst each other, ready for practice to start. The students begin muttering, whispering about the older male.

To them, he was an enigma. Where did he come from? How old is he? Where does he go after practice? What does he do for a living? Somehow, every time a student managed to come around to asking him any question, he’d dodge it flawlessly and somehow end up seeming more mysterious than he did in the first place.

They all know him so well, somehow. Sometimes they’d catch him mumbling to himself in another language, one that a couple students recognized as Korean. Well that was pretty clear, his last name was Ahn. There was one kid, Julien, that mustered up the courage to talk to him in Korean for the first time, to which he looked pleasantly shocked, but answered in perfect, fluent tongue.

That wasn’t even the most curious part about him. What was really interesting, was how good he was at the dances. With every move, he seemed to hit the exact right pose, right timing, right expressions and all. Sometimes he’d ask students to choose choreographed dance from a music video, from their famous artists, groups, dancers, and he’d always manage to somehow perfect them within a day. As if he had spent years doing this kind of thing.

What was even stranger, was the time they had chosen a video from a K-pop group, Lynn’s favorite, MAYHEM. He had stood there for a good five minutes, just watching the video, his eyes trailing after the dancing figures before he finally began it.

And they had all asked themselves the same question. Who exactly is Jayson Ahn?

The curiosity had died down in them over time, but the initial wonder still remained. If they had a chance to find out exactly where he came from, they would.

***

It’s dark by the time they finish. Only 5 pm, but due to daylight savings or whatever it is, the night comes quicker somehow. Or maybe time is just fast forwarded. Jaewon makes his way outside the studio, rubbing his arms from the sheer cold. He’s gotten too used to California’s sun. 

As he finishes requesting a Lyft, Jaewon glances across the street.

Three people stand there, trying to get into a car. One stumbling drunk, one sleepily clinging to another man’s arm, and that same man trying to open the car door and getting mad at the drunk one.

It clicks.

Their hair has changed, they’ve gotten a little older, but their faces are still the same. They are still the same.

It’s MAYHEM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _So I turned myself to face me,_   
>  _But I've never caught a glimpse._   
>  _How the others must see the faker,_   
>  _I'm much too fast to take that test._


	3. I can taste it, I can taste it, life is real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After 6 years, they meet. What is there to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Guilt stains on my pillow,_   
>  _Blood on my terraces,_   
>  _Torsos in my closet,_   
>  _Shadows from my past._
> 
> I feel like i didn't do this one so well, idk hahaha <3 thank you for reading!

“Slow down, you’re gonna choke.” 

“Dongho, you’ve been hogging this kind of food to yourself all this time, shut up.” Minsoo growls, inhaling yet another taco and nodding at the laughing food truck owner, who clicks his tongue and shakes his head as he watches. 

The now red-haired male finishes his food and wipes his hands on his lap, taking a short moment to look around him. Traffic, as usual, bright sun, the faint scent of smog. So is this what they call LA vibes? It’s not as rich as he would have pictured, but still pretty nice regardless. Well, it _is_ the first time he’s been to LA.

The sunlight warms his cheeks as he examines his surroundings further. There’s nobody here except for a guy laying on the sidewalk a little while away, probably half drunk already even though it’s only four PM, and another guy wearing an oversized hoodie in the middle of summer, with black fluffy hair. The hoodie-man waves to the drunk man, seemingly recognizing him and greeting him as another friend.

Drunk man sees him and lights up, replying with a cheerful, “Jayson! What up, man? How you doing?”

“I’m doing fine!” Hoodie-man responds, nodding, “ Just going to the dance studio again. Have a good day, Roger!”

As hoodie-man, or rather “Jayson” turns to look at “Roger”, Minsoo gets just a second, just a glimpse of his face, and he freezes. He knows that face.

It may have been years and years ago, but he knows that face, as well as he knows himself. You would too, had you been in his position, being called day after day for information on said face’s whereabouts, just a crumb of inside information that you never possessed. 

They never did believe that MAYHEM was just as stumped as the media was. No one had ever figured out where Wyld went.

  
  


“Hey...Follow me” Minsoo mumbles, taking off in hoodie-man’s direction, hoping to catch him before he reaches a crowd or gets in a car.

“Hyung?! Where are you going?” Dae exclaims, watching him run off. This isn’t an unusual occurrence, per say, but neither of the other two could ever get used to such happenings, even after all this time.

“He’s being stupid again, let’s catch up to him,” Dongho sighs, before turning to the taco vendor, “Thank you, sir.”

The vendor only laughs, nodding and accepting his tip.

They quickly manage to catch up to Minsoo right around the corner of the block, and see him beginning to approach somebody they don’t know, like a magnet.

“What’s he doing?”

“Something stupid, probably. Minsoo—”

“I’m sorry to bother you, but...Is it you, Wyld? Jaewon?”

And as the man turns, Dongho’s memory of that playboy he thought he knew returns. He knows those eyes, that nose, the short, fluffy hair that always seemed to somehow look good. He knows that face. It’s him.

Jaewon, meanwhile, takes in the scene. In front of him, three men he had once known in another life. How unlikely. He had seen them before, of course, in front of the bar across the street, but...Apparently he wouldn’t be able to avoid them so easily.

With an unblinking stare, he smiles gently, as he always does when approaching students, “Oh...Yes, that’s me. What are you three doing here?”

Such a casual response to a reunion unexpected, to the semi reconciliation with three men that thought he was dead.

“That’s not important right now man, where the hell have you been?! It’s been six years! What the fuck have you been doing all this time? People think you’re dead, for fuck’s sake.”

  
  


“I know,” Jaewon sighs, fidgeting a bit with his backpack strap, “I ran away.”

Silence. Of course, they had never known exactly why he’d want to run away in the first place.

Dongho responds simply. “Why?” he asks.

Jaewon takes a deep breath. Even now, years past… the memories of what his life was once haunt him. The smirking face of the CEO, the thousands upon thousands of replies to his tweets, criticizing him, hating him, for things he had only done to provide support. It’s time they find out.

“Remember how…” He sighs and begins, “I used to always be involved in scandals? At first they were just accidents...but then CEO Park started forcing me to start them on purpose. One day he told me to do something that I just couldn’t do, and...I ran away. I’m sorry. I only did those things so we could succeed, so we wouldn’t have too much more of a debt to pay off. I know I failed you.”

The three men exchange glances as Jaewon continues to talk. What he’s saying...Could this all be true? And they hadn’t ever known, even after years and years of being in a group together? 

For the longest time, even after his mysterious disappearance, they had thought that Wyld was a liability. How can it be that he was really the one holding MAYHEM afloat?

“I’m happy here in the United States,” He begins again, “I’m a teacher, and I work at a dance studio on the side. I won’t be going back to Korea again, but it was really nice meeting you three after all this time.”

And of course, he ends with a beautiful, gleaming smile, the same one that Daehyun had once looked up to so much. Before any one of them can stop him, Jaewon walks off with a little swing in his gait, out of the street and out of their lives.

With that, MAYHEM never saw Jaewon again.

###### Cookie:

Three girls stand together, crowding around to watch a video on one of their phone’s. Lynn, the blond one, had decided that she wanted to introduce her other two K-pop loving friends, Valerie and Shanti, to her favorite group of all time. MAYHEM.

“There’s only three members right now,” She mutters, picking at a nail with her teeth as she watches, “There used to be a fourth one, the redhead.”

To fully submerge them in MAYHEM’s history, she decides to show them everything, even from where they started. Back in the old days, when Wyld had still been around.

“His name was Wyld. He disappeared back in 2019, for some reason, They’ve never found him. Either way, he was a playboy so nobody was really upset except for his mom.”

The other two nod in understanding, entranced by their fluid movements. Still, despite his seemingly troublesome reputation, Wyld was really hot stuff.

“Wait a minute,” Shanti points out, moving closer in towards the phone and pausing the video, “Isn’t that…Oh my god, that looks like Mr. Ahn.”

Lynn takes a closer look at what she means, surprised by her friend’s sudden interruption. Her jaw drops,

“Holy shit, Mr. Ahn is Wyld?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Success is my breathing space,_   
>  _I brought it on myself._   
>  _I will price it, I will cash it._   
>  _I can take it or leave it._


End file.
